What is it like being in an interracial relationship?

 Relationships are complicated, regardless of who you are with. They require time, compassion, communication, compromise, trust, love and everything in between. Humans are complex, and in today’s fast-paced world, many people forget what it’s like to fight for one another. 

When you add different races, cultures and even languages to the mix, you might be surprised by the new challenges. This is an honest article about my relationship with an Indian man. The lows, the highs, the difficulties, but also the beauty in our relationship. 

How did we meet? 

The story of how we met is actually interesting, because we didn’t meet in a usual way. I am from a small town in Romania, and I moved to England in the summer of 2020 to do something more with my life. After five years, I think of England as my home, and it will likely remain my forever home. He moved to England in 2021 to study a master's degree, and somehow life brought us together to move into the same shared house. This was in September 2021, after I had spent the summer being depressed, quitting a toxic job, barely having money and definitely didn’t feel like I was ready for this relationship. But there he was. This Indian guy, who was younger than me, moved into the room next to mine. 

I had no prior experience with Indians before. Sure, I’d seen them on the street or in the stores, but I never had any friends or acquaintances. The very first time I saw him, his eyes struck me: so innocent, so sincere, but his attitude? He was arrogant, rude, and not very welcoming when we first met. 

Fast forward a few days, and he kept asking me to join them for dinner and try out Indian food. I am not even sure how we started talking so much, but I remember staying awake until 5am just chatting about many things. After about two weeks, we started spending more time together and began dating. 

I have never been in love before I met him. I had never experienced feeling loved before I met him. He showed me what it is to be loved, appreciated and cherished in ways I didn’t think existed. It’s true when people say that sometimes love alone isn’t enough. Two people can love each other, yet their relationship may not work out due to their differing values, goals, and perspectives on life. Without compromise, there is no lasting relationship. 

The biggest challenges we faced

Coming from an Eastern European household, I wouldn’t say I didn’t experience some childhood traumas. His being Indian also brought a lot of challenges and traumas. Now mixing these two sometimes created the worst fights. I thought I needed to become a housewife to make him happy, yet I hated the idea because that was the one thing I had always been running away from. To not be like my own mother, raising children, taking care of the household while working full time and also taking care of a sick husband. I didn’t want to be like my mom. And while he never asked me to be any of that, knowing how Indians are, in my head, I thought if I’m not like that, he will not love me long term. 

That was my biggest mistake. My anxiety, my fears, my traumas led us to have astronomical arguments, and for a few months, it was a toxic relationship. Even though we loved each other, we couldn’t communicate properly. English is my third language, and it’s his second language. While we both speak it well, when it’s not your native tongue, you will still feel like your point is not coming across. 

Now thinking back I can’t even remember why we argued for so long and so much. I think most of it was due to financial issues. I am a creative person, but trying to make ends meet keeps me in a state of constant survival mode. He didn’t grow up with money, but had more when he came to the UK and wasn’t really taking care of that either. Then he also wasn’t working for a few months, while I was stuck in a job I didn’t like. Honestly, there were silly arguments that, in the end, all came down to finances and how hard we were both willing to work. 

It’s true that when people say the biggest reason couples often break up is due to money. I can definitely confirm that, after nearly four years of being together, it is still the number one thing we argue about. The only way to change this is if both parties agree to work hard and earn more. 

Is it worth being in an interracial relationship?

This is a question everyone should ask themselves. Being in any type of relationship is difficult; however, being with someone from a completely different culture and race is probably more challenging. The heart wants what it wants; you cannot deny it. It's essential to ask the question and re-evaluate every time whether it's worth it. Younger people often give up on relationships because it's hard work, whereas previous generations would try to work it out more. With that being said, you should definitely not be with someone if you don't love them, if you can't see a future together, no matter how hard you try. Would I change anything? I really wouldn't. It's beautiful to learn about someone else's culture, learn a new language, and gain a deeper understanding of that person through the process. It makes things interesting and helps you appreciate life a lot more.